以下是引用silverway在2007-2-5 15:29:48的发言：
the credit interface for the joint of credit control and
guarantee(secured transaction) management system
The online part of the credit management system includes
five layers such as the infrastructure layer(functions layer),
the groups layer,the clients layer, the accounts layer,
and the transactions layer, of which sub-layer's credit is
determined by the total of it of parent-layer. For each layer,
there are clients with items, which rest with the total credit
of the clients. There're two ways for the use of credit:
the single application and the multi-one.
If a client wants to apply for the loan or overdraft, 2 steps
are the priority. First, it needs to be regeistered into the
guarantee management system with details that, what it is
secured by, and how much value the guarantee is. Second, the
most accetable value of the loan and/or overdraft of the client
should be recorded in the bank.
The Credit Interface program will function during an exact
application for loan or overdraft. It will register in the credit
management system with the right loan or overdraft value and
the total amount of the loan or overdraft, check with the most
permission for the loan or overdraft, and the system will
automatically check and record with guarantee value. All these
is the use of credit.
When a client needs to pay back the loan or overdraft, The Credit
Interface Program will also register in the credit management
system the value of it, and the total amount of the client's
credit, minus the pay-back money, automatically recording the
guarantee value, adding with the pay-back amount. All these is
the grant of credit.
If the use of defined credit value of transaction of loan or
overdraft could be more than once, the clients can choose to
use the credit that they would have already paid back; otherwise,
if not, they can't do so. To the guarantee value, the same procedure. |
本人刚打赢了外贸问答栏之仲裁,现抽时间对比了一下两人的翻译,也翻查了英语词典.有些方面,你的翻译确实很好;而在另一方面,双方翻译就像”一打"与”12个”或"二”与”两”之别;还有一些方面,本人对你的译法不敢苟同.再要说的是,你认为我征求意见当作是卖弄,我不认同,诚如是,若我从不发言的话,你会认为是谦虚还是高深莫测呢?就像一位从不与人交手的武林中人,谁知道其功夫几何?呵呵!事实上在后面译的人,当然比前者会好,因为前者之译可作参考嘛!以下为即兴发言,双方取长补短. 1. 联机部分,跟你学了online part, 回想起来,正是此意.什么联机,其实是接上网线而已.你终于为本人解惑!
2. 额度一词,你可以坚持credit正确,但我觉得quota却没有错误,我们经常谈也面对Letter of Credit,信用啊,资信啊货款loan啊什么的,所以credit是我***考虑采用之单词,不过***后弃用,因受进出口业务比如许可证额度等影响,我查过词典,我偏向于用quota,可能只有进出口业务实际操作经验者,才会体验到何以使用quota的原因.都查一下<<新英汉词典>>,别看金山词典和快译通之类,也别看网上的.
3. 标题,你有了for,但我还是坚持用between,更加形象----介于两者之间.
4. 你使用的layer确实比我用的level要好!
5. 原文"分为”宜用"包括”,我受此中文影响而用了divided into,不反对include或consist of用得好,但divided into也错不到哪去,因为这样用,不见得五个管理层次就分离了开来,依然是一个整体.
6. 但such as就是你用错了,所谓such as乃"例如”之意,打个比方----"与会者来了10个人,例如张三和李四等”,换言之,such as所跟之数字要比实际的要少,然而这里明明白白地就是5个层次,那么还用such as"例如”,岂不有点矛盾了?***起码,用个":”或"i.e."(that is)之类才合适啊.
7. 下级层与上级层,我用了 lower, upper; 你用了sub, parent, 有多大区别吗?何况我刚才也查了parent之意.各人理解总有偏差,但在这里,通篇译文总体上你给我的感觉是: 你非要译得跟我不同,而且更主要的是以这种译法之不同,来阐释体现你我翻译之间的对与错之别.
8. 你以上第7点之精神还在以下翻译上继续地贯彻,比如,”客户”,我用了customer, 你用了client,又能有多大区别呢?或就算用user(s)也何错之有哉?
9. 你用了rest with,恐怕不对吧?我又查了上海译文出版社《新英汉词典》得以证实.
10. 你的multi用得非常的不对,这是"多种”之意,但极不切合原文"循环”的意思,应为本人的cyclic或循环信用证之revolving.
11. 下一步你依然贯彻上面第7点的精神：如单/复数之别,比如"这就是额度的使用”,我译为"this is the quota's usage”,而你译为复数中的单数"All these is the use of credit”.能有多大区别呢?
12. 再如"这就是额度的释放”,你译为All these is the grant of credit.这个grant你用错了,我坚持我所用的release之正确,"电放提单”,就用了此单词.你过度的意译会曲解原文!意译乃是对原文实在难以合适地表达的无奈之举!
13. 看到你***后的行文: Otherwise, if not, they can’t do so. To the guarantee value, the same procedure. 你这句话一方面过于口语化,另一方面不符合语法,此外, Otherwise 与 if not,意思重复,或者说,其实你尚未掌握otherwies之意.
14. 你全文有个别单词打错,标点/大小写和单词之间的分隔符没调整好.
15. 原文后面部分似乎没译全吧?
16. “If the use of defined credit value of transaction of loan or overdraft could be more than once”这句是不是缺了一个及物动词?这我要向你请教!同时,原文"允许重复使用”是不是作意译了?用more than once 代替 repeat,何必呢?
17. 英文翻译也尽量寻求简洁明了,能用一个单词表达的,则绝不多用一个,好钢要用到刀刃上,所以"归还/偿还”一词,当然要用名/动同一形式的repay,或过去式/过去分词repaid,但你用的pay-back,虽意思相近,但让人有望文生义之嫌,pay-back的过去式和过去分词就是paid-back了?这样用pay-back太汉语化了吧?何不就用repay?不信?先查<<新英汉词典>>!
18.你***后一句:To the guarantee value, the same procedure.这种简洁表达值得学习,但你这里没有动词,联系上下文,明显地不符合语法,procedure只是名词.same,你用作"同样的"还是"同样地"?"的"和"地"不同,大有学问!----可见中文"的地得"三个常用字没理解好,你就在这里犯了错.然否? “的地得”,不用再说了吧,你翻下报纸就行.与其为一些失误寻找合适的勉强的理由,倒不如扎扎实实地循规蹈矩,"不以规矩,不成方圆".本人每天所读报纸之份数和阅读量绝不少于很多人,对这三个常字之研究,是好几年前的过去完成时.窃以为,语言有相通之处,所指就是汉语与英语.
匆匆忙忙,特作以上商榷!就事论事,如有得罪,请勿见怪!皆学术探讨而已. 本帖子2007-02-09 9:39:19由BruceHuang进行编辑!!
------------------
...
|
跨国外贸论坛
【返回跨国外贸论坛首页】 收藏本论坛 热门专题 热门帖子 
.
外贸英语 -> 请英语翻译高手给些宝贵意见!
您是本帖的第 88902 个阅读者
发帖时间 - 2007/2/7 22:49:06