背景:收件人是意大利一家较有实力的分销商,面向全球采购。 问题:1、这封邮件篇幅会不会偏长?通篇布局是否合理? 2、***段的第二句话总觉得没写好。高手能否指点下? 3、如果你作为分销商,在看了这封邮件后,你会怎么想,回复的几率有多大?会怎样回复? 4、如果在邮件末要分销商寄他们的小册子是否合适(他们有网页)? Dear Sir, We learned about your company through visiting your website. Impressed with your aim of Global Service Supply, we are writing to you to introduce our company as a competitive refractory manufacturer and supplier. First, Douyo is a refractory manufacturer specialised in the iron industry. Its factory is located in Henan province, a place well known for its resourceful raw materials, which makes a great contribution to the production cost. Second, all of our manufacturing process are under control of ISO 9001 standard and so is our testing. Third, Douyo has been granted CERTIFICATE OF APPROVAL FOR ENTERPRISES WITH FORGIGN TRADE RIGHTS by Chinese government. We can export products directly to customers without any help of domestic trading company. That is, our prices do not include any commission and can further decrease product price. Finally, Douyo has established steady relationships with two famous shipping company. One is China Ocean Shipping(Group) Company--COSCO, the other is China Shipping Line--CSL. Both companies have wide global network and rich logistic experience. As a result, we can reduce your logistic costs. Our products has been exported to Pakistan, India, Southeast Asia and Turkey. However, we don’t have any share of Italy market so far. If we two parties could establish a good business relationship, you can further develop your global source and we may have a chance to enter Italy market. (这一段总感觉说的有些硬,不够软。请高手帮忙改下) We do hope that we two parites can get to know each other better. Our brochure is available upon your requirement. Look forward to hearing from you.
------------------ ...
|